Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10
The grass whithers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. Isaiah 40:8
I didn't read Samuel Taylor Coleridge's Rime of the Ancient Mariner until I was in college, which I regret. I wish I had read it sooner, because it had a staggering effect on me when I read it. Reading Galatians today I immediately thought of this line from that poem.
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.
Lost at sea and dehydrated beyond comprehension and here we are surrounded by water. There is just one problem, if we drink the water it not only won't satisfy us, but it will leave us thirstier than before and sick and ultimately will be fatal. This is what I am doing when I try to satisfy myself with things of this world. I can enjoy this world and the things in it, but when I turn to those things to satisfy my ultimate wants and desires, they may temporarily satisfy my thirst, but ultimately I want more than what these things can offer. I spent so long turning to temporary things to provide me with my self worth, but ultimately, there is only one path to complete restoration and that is knowing and loving the Lord.
Today and every day I am thankful...
21. That I can turn to the Word of God and be fulfilled.
22. For works of art like Coleridge's poetry that enhances my appreciation of the gospel
23. For Delta State University and how unique and special it is.
24. For a date night with Harper Ann and Tatum Krutz.
25. For the kindness of strangers who are patient with a table full of kids when we are out to eat.
26. That we live in Cleveland in a town where it is very hard to go anywhere without meeting a familiar face
27. For clearance Valentine's candy the day after love day.
28. For the friendships I made in college that have withstood time and distance
29. That I have one of the kindest and most thoughtful mother's to grace this world. One who goes to the trouble to make her grandson a bicycle license for finally learning to ride a bike and pick up butterfly stickers for her granddaughter and send them cards in the mail to brighten their day.
30. For Ludwig van Beethoven
Friday, February 15, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Lots of Love and Bob Dylan
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus. - Romans 3:23-26
I am thankful for a God who loved perfectly and has sent his Spirit to buttress and edify me when I stumble and continue to point me back to the Cross and the ultimate display of love. Knowing his love for me on this day of love reminds me how I should love others.
Today I and every day I am thankful...
11. For God's perfect example of what it means to Love
12. For my marriage and God's presence in my marriage and for a silly holiday providing an excuse to remind each other that we still love one another.
The idea that ‘being in love’ is the only reason for remaining married really leaves no room for marriage as a contract or promise at all. If love is the whole thing, then the promise can add nothing; and if it adds nothing, then it should not be made. The curious thing is that lovers themselves, while they remain really in love, know this better than those who talk about love. As Chesterton pointed out, those who are in love have a natural inclination to bind themselves by promises. Love songs all over the world are full of vows of eternal constancy. The Christian law is not forcing upon the passion of love something which is foreign to that passion’s own nature: it is demanding that lovers should take seriously something which their passion of itself impels them to do...But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. it is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.
C.S. Lewis - Mere Christianity
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| Happy 11th |
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| This is one of the many reasons I love my fella |
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| Notice that everyone else is clapping and participating, meanwhile, in Harper Ann land... |
15. For signing day conversations with Jonathan
16. That my kids have a good dentist
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| I was cleaning the bathroom the other day and found myself trying desperately to remember what day it was I asked Holt to help me put the groceries away |
17. That Jonathan had such a good hunting season and that it brings him so much joy and that it is only a few months long
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| Jonathan got me some jewelry this season |
18. That Jane Cannon's personality is and has been such a happy one
20. For Bob Dylan
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Ash Wednesday and Levon Helm
rend your hearts and not your garments.
Return to the Lord your God,
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and he relents over disaster.
- Joel 2:13
The cross of ashes made by the priest was my reminder that from dust I came and to dust I would return. It is also a reminder that I am alive in Christ. It is amazing that God can take a wondering heart, constantly failing in faithfulness and redeem it. Lent is not a test of my faithfulness by way of my abstention, but is a wonderful reminder of Christ's faithfulness on my behalf. He humbled and degraded himself and did all that I could not do, and rejoiced in the return of this wretched sinner. If that doesn't rend my heart and simultaneously bring it great joy, nothing will.
Today I am thankful...
1. that Christ has my heart and has made it new.
2. that I had the relationship with my Grandmother that I did and that she prayed for me so well
3. that in the past year I have seen prayers answered, just as they were asked
4. that it is not an election year
5. that I have liberal, libertarian, and conservative friends who love the Lord and remind me that politics are not the alpha and omega
6. that yesterday when I picked Holt and Harper Ann up from school Holt held the door for her and Harper Ann offered to share her leftover snack with him.
7. for our family time in the big bed reading with my kiddos
8. for Holt's tender heart and what a wonderful big brother he is to two slightly self-centered girls
9. for our supper club group and the genuine laughter we have shared
10. That my mama refused to let me buy that Mariah Carey CD and handed me The Band's greatest Hits instead, thereby fostering my love of the late great Levon Helm
Return to the Lord your God,
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and he relents over disaster.
- Joel 2:13
The cross of ashes made by the priest was my reminder that from dust I came and to dust I would return. It is also a reminder that I am alive in Christ. It is amazing that God can take a wondering heart, constantly failing in faithfulness and redeem it. Lent is not a test of my faithfulness by way of my abstention, but is a wonderful reminder of Christ's faithfulness on my behalf. He humbled and degraded himself and did all that I could not do, and rejoiced in the return of this wretched sinner. If that doesn't rend my heart and simultaneously bring it great joy, nothing will.
Today I am thankful...
1. that Christ has my heart and has made it new.
2. that I had the relationship with my Grandmother that I did and that she prayed for me so well
3. that in the past year I have seen prayers answered, just as they were asked
4. that it is not an election year
5. that I have liberal, libertarian, and conservative friends who love the Lord and remind me that politics are not the alpha and omega
6. that yesterday when I picked Holt and Harper Ann up from school Holt held the door for her and Harper Ann offered to share her leftover snack with him.
7. for our family time in the big bed reading with my kiddos
8. for Holt's tender heart and what a wonderful big brother he is to two slightly self-centered girls
9. for our supper club group and the genuine laughter we have shared
10. That my mama refused to let me buy that Mariah Carey CD and handed me The Band's greatest Hits instead, thereby fostering my love of the late great Levon Helm
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
The Stations of the Cross
I walked from one carving to the next in the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception on Good Friday when I was 16 years old and was moved to tears. I had been baptized and confirmed into the Catholic Church one year before and felt like I had wasted the past year. I was not a "good Christian" and I was still heavily burdened with the guilt of sin. My salvation was still unfinished and I had not yet been introduced to the freedom of Grace through Christ. It would be a few years later on a bench swing on the Delta State Campus that I would hand my life over to Him and rest in the comfort and security of his Grace. I remember both of those days very clearly. I am so very grateful for the sweet little lady walking the Stations of the Cross with me that day who gently squeezed my shoulder for comfort and for Jennifer Findlay the RUF intern who had the courage to ask me hard questions that led to my tearful conversion at 18. I went from feeling like I had to prove to God that I was good enough for him, to realizing that my salvation was complete in him.
Lent has changed for me. Lent is no longer a time of begrudging abstinence from some arbitrary enjoyment but is now a time of rejoicing and repentance in the finished Glory of the Cross. Those 14 stations and the 40 days leading up to Easter are a reminder to me of the cost of my sin and my unworthiness, but also a reminder of God's unfathomable love, the joy of communion with him, and ultimately that my purpose is to love and glorify him. So, as I did last year I will try to fast from negativity and focus on God's blessings and relish in Christian Hedonism - for His Glory.
For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. - Romans 6:5
Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, but as for today, Happy Mardi Gras!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Day 29 - Charity
The freedom that comes from giving is appreciated even in the secular world. Even agnostics and some atheists propound the idea that it is better to give than to receive. I have thought a lot recently, about charity and giving. I want to be more charitable, even in my thoughts and prayers. I want for my heart to be full of joyful giving. In moments of calm and ease I recognize that all I have was freely given and I have done nothing to earn my place in life. It is the stressful and turbulent moments when all that goes out the window. It is in reflecting on these moments that I realize a difference in Christianity and other religions and philosophies. You see, it is easy in moments of great wealth and security to want to give and to look for meaning in the charity itself. Look at the invisible children campaign right now. Society is looking for a cause to make them feel better, but what about when you don’t have time to put others first or when things get crazy, or when you find out you were duped and that charity or cause was a fraud, or perhaps just not perfect. Well, there is the cross. We don’t give for the charity itself or even to make ourselves feel better. We simply give, joyfully, because we have been given life and freedom. And, when I find that I haven’t given or haven’t given without grumbling, I turn to the cross, knowing that I my debt has already been adjusted. In that, there is great joy!
1 Chronicles 29:16-18
O Lord our God, all this abundance that we have provided for building you a house for your holy name comes from your hand and is all your own. I know, my God, that you test the heart and have pleasure in uprightness. In the uprightness of my heart I have freely offered all these things, and now I have seen your people, who are present here, offering freely and joyously to you. O Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, our fathers, keep forever such purposes and thoughts in the hearts of your people, and direct their hearts toward you.
Today I am thankful...
291. for an unburdened heart
292. For the youth at our church
293. For Michael and his gift relating to and communicating with the youth
294. For a rainy day
295. for RUF summer conference and how it impacted my life
296. for Holt telling Harper Ann tonight when we were reading about Jesus calling his disciples, "that Judas asparagus [Iscariot] was a really bad guy"
297. for a reminder that my goal isn't to raise good kids, but to raise Christ-centered adults
298. for new books
299. for getting to watch Holt read to Harper Ann (especially when he acts out brown bear brown bear)
300. For Ella Fitzgerald
1 Chronicles 29:16-18
O Lord our God, all this abundance that we have provided for building you a house for your holy name comes from your hand and is all your own. I know, my God, that you test the heart and have pleasure in uprightness. In the uprightness of my heart I have freely offered all these things, and now I have seen your people, who are present here, offering freely and joyously to you. O Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, our fathers, keep forever such purposes and thoughts in the hearts of your people, and direct their hearts toward you.
Today I am thankful...
291. for an unburdened heart
292. For the youth at our church
293. For Michael and his gift relating to and communicating with the youth
294. For a rainy day
295. for RUF summer conference and how it impacted my life
296. for Holt telling Harper Ann tonight when we were reading about Jesus calling his disciples, "that Judas asparagus [Iscariot] was a really bad guy"
297. for a reminder that my goal isn't to raise good kids, but to raise Christ-centered adults
298. for new books
299. for getting to watch Holt read to Harper Ann (especially when he acts out brown bear brown bear)
300. For Ella Fitzgerald
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Day 28 - The Holtster
Matthew 26:42-44
Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” 43 And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again.
Six years ago the doctor handed me a beautiful, crying, bruised up baby boy. After 14 hours of labor I had a tiny 9 lb. 7 oz. baby and immediately realized that I had seriously undervalued my capacity to love. It’s cliche I know, but I was overcome with emotion, joy being the most prominent one. I would (and still do when I have time) spend hours just staring at him. Along with my capacity to love and the overwhelming love I felt for this tiny person, I also understood what it felt like to love something more than myself. I would die for my child, what is more I would kill for my child. I try not to dwell on these thoughts because I don’t like to think about the hypothetical situations that would cause me to have to execute on these truths, however, pointing these out is necessary to explain the other revelation parenthood gave me - that I had astronomically undervalued God’s love for me. Because, for me, he gave his Son. He not only gave his Son, but he turned his back on his Son and separated him from himself because there was no other way that we could be reconciled. In the garden Jesus prayed for any other way and got no answer. The sacrifice of the Father in that moment is jarring. He could have stopped it all and with great power destroyed all those who were set to torture and kill his Son, but he didn’t. And because he didn’t we have a perfect savior who is intimately aware of our struggle with sin and who revealed his ultimate righteousness and paid it all.
John 16: 26-27, John 17:1-5
In that day you will ask in my name, and I do not say to you that I will ask the Father on your behalf; for the Father himself loves you, because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God.
When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed.
Today I am thankful...
281. That he did what I could not do, out of love gave His Son, to pay for me and my children
282. for staying up too late to watch one of my favorite movies Giant
283. for glass bottle cokes (and root beer)
284. for the first official day of spring
285. that Harper Ann was so easy to potty train (she's been completely pull-up free - yes, even at night - since October)
286. that our kids have Nana (Jonathan's aunt Jenny) in town to play with
287. for Holt's joy tonight riding his new bike to the checkout lane at walmart
288. for the past six years with the sweetest little boy
289. that I have the privilege of experiencing the unconditional love of parenthood
290. For Lucinda Williams
Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” 43 And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again.
Six years ago the doctor handed me a beautiful, crying, bruised up baby boy. After 14 hours of labor I had a tiny 9 lb. 7 oz. baby and immediately realized that I had seriously undervalued my capacity to love. It’s cliche I know, but I was overcome with emotion, joy being the most prominent one. I would (and still do when I have time) spend hours just staring at him. Along with my capacity to love and the overwhelming love I felt for this tiny person, I also understood what it felt like to love something more than myself. I would die for my child, what is more I would kill for my child. I try not to dwell on these thoughts because I don’t like to think about the hypothetical situations that would cause me to have to execute on these truths, however, pointing these out is necessary to explain the other revelation parenthood gave me - that I had astronomically undervalued God’s love for me. Because, for me, he gave his Son. He not only gave his Son, but he turned his back on his Son and separated him from himself because there was no other way that we could be reconciled. In the garden Jesus prayed for any other way and got no answer. The sacrifice of the Father in that moment is jarring. He could have stopped it all and with great power destroyed all those who were set to torture and kill his Son, but he didn’t. And because he didn’t we have a perfect savior who is intimately aware of our struggle with sin and who revealed his ultimate righteousness and paid it all.
John 16: 26-27, John 17:1-5
In that day you will ask in my name, and I do not say to you that I will ask the Father on your behalf; for the Father himself loves you, because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God.
When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed.
Today I am thankful...
281. That he did what I could not do, out of love gave His Son, to pay for me and my children
282. for staying up too late to watch one of my favorite movies Giant
283. for glass bottle cokes (and root beer)
284. for the first official day of spring
285. that Harper Ann was so easy to potty train (she's been completely pull-up free - yes, even at night - since October)
286. that our kids have Nana (Jonathan's aunt Jenny) in town to play with
287. for Holt's joy tonight riding his new bike to the checkout lane at walmart
288. for the past six years with the sweetest little boy
289. that I have the privilege of experiencing the unconditional love of parenthood
290. For Lucinda Williams
Monday, March 19, 2012
Day 27
March 19 is the Feast Day of Saint Joseph. One of the traditions that I enjoyed about Catholicism is recognizing the different Saints on their respective holy days. I know that I don't need a middle man or the intercession of the saints, but I enjoyed reflecting on these biblical and church heroes. Today, in the Catholic church is St. Joseph's feast day and I found myself reading Matthew 1:20-21
But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”
What amazing faith Joseph had. I look at my life and how easily I am discouraged or disheartened or how worried I get over really small things and here is Joseph who was a poor carpenter betrothed to a woman now with child and he embraced his role as earthly father and became a refugee in Egypt to keep him safe - knowing that he was the Son of God. "Do not be afraid." What a humbling thought as a Christian and a parent.
Today I am thankful...
271. for Joseph's example
272. for our double stroller
273. for the Methodist church playground
274. for watching how excited my kids get about running through a sprinkler when we are on a walk
275. for Houston and watching my kids play with him
276. for all the times I have come so close to running out of gas, but never have
277. for leftover birthday cake for breakfast
278. for rollbamaroll.com and the other sports blogs that keep me so well informed and for spring football practice
279. for our azaleas that make the front of our house look so happy
280. For The Band
But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”
What amazing faith Joseph had. I look at my life and how easily I am discouraged or disheartened or how worried I get over really small things and here is Joseph who was a poor carpenter betrothed to a woman now with child and he embraced his role as earthly father and became a refugee in Egypt to keep him safe - knowing that he was the Son of God. "Do not be afraid." What a humbling thought as a Christian and a parent.
Today I am thankful...
271. for Joseph's example
272. for our double stroller
273. for the Methodist church playground
274. for watching how excited my kids get about running through a sprinkler when we are on a walk
275. for Houston and watching my kids play with him
276. for all the times I have come so close to running out of gas, but never have
277. for leftover birthday cake for breakfast
278. for rollbamaroll.com and the other sports blogs that keep me so well informed and for spring football practice
279. for our azaleas that make the front of our house look so happy
280. For The Band
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